Like every other young girl, I grew up dreaming of my Prince Charming. That he would someday show up, riding on his beautiful white horse and take me away to an enormous Castle to live "Happily Ever After". I guess I could thank Disney for that unrealistic expectation. Lucky for me though, I definitely got my Prince Charming! Except, he came dressed in Digi Camo and floats around on a Naval Destroyer. I never would of imagined that I would be apart of the "roller coaster" life of a Military Spouse.
You constantly hear the Military Spouse stories, read their blogs and may even be friends with one, but you will never truly know how hectic, unpredictable, lonely and stressful it is until you have the honor of becoming one. Despite the constant heartache and indecisiveness that comes with the Military Lifestyle, its been the most rewarding journey filled with unconditional love, the gain of life long friends and the self discovery of how strong you truly are. I just wish it would have came with a hand book titled, "What to expect when you marry the Military" or maybe even "Now that you have vowed to leave your home, family, friends and promise to take care of EVERYTHING during deployment and move across the country at a moment's notice.... Here's what you can expect". But in all reality, no one can ever prepare you for what's about to come. All we can do is warn you. So, with that said, here are a few things I wish someone would've told me earlier about marrying a Sailor and the horrific wonderful experience of Deployment.
Before I continue, let me just say that the Military life is not for the faint of heart. It involves incredible patience, the acceptance of change, being able to adapt anywhere, tremendous strength and one hell of a funny bone! In order to deal with it all, I usually turn to humor. So, before I receive lots of hate mail, let me just warn you that I can be pretty witty and sarcastic! Honestly, my Family, Friends and fellow Military Spouses play a huge role in me being able to keep my sanity. But, its just so hard not to poke fun at them sometimes!
Now, lets begin....
- Fight the urge on wanting to punch people in the face. Be prepared for family, friends and even strangers to repeatedly ask the same questions...on a daily basis. Or the awkward moment's when people ask "where is your Husband?" when you are at social functions and then, of course, the pity look you get from them when you explain. Oh, and the famous "My Husband going away on a business trip is just like your Husband going away on deployment". Of course, my Husband floating around on a ship on the other side of the world for months at a time - putting himself in danger - is just like your Husband going away for a few days somewhere in our continent for a Conference Meeting. I totally see how you can relate to my pain.... Hah! Now, that's just silly. I mean, I know everyone has different tolerance levels but, come on!
- People will say some pretty stupid things. It's weird, since marrying my Husband I have this weird ability now to make people put their foot in their mouths when they speak to me. It's extremely entertaining. My most recent and favorite conversation was with someone trying to convince me that what my Husband is currently doing is wrong by saying, "Don't you resent him for making you go through all this? I can't believe all those people would put their family through this". All this what? Please, don't insult me by pretending to know what I'm actually going through.... My response, "Well, I know this is a totally crazy way to think, but with out those people joining the Military, sacrificing their life, withstanding horrid weather conditions, working longer days than what any of us could possibly tolerate and retaining an overload of important information, our Country would be S.O.L. - I think the least we can do is suffer the heartache of them being gone, hold up the Flag at home and give them a reason to do deeds of bravery in order to insure our Freedom". Well, Mr. Stranger (who is standing next to my car and started this whole conversation because I have "Proud Navy Wife" displayed on my license plate frame) I'm sorry if my Patriotism for our Country and Service members offends you, but your lack of spine, common sense and respect offends me.
- Always write on your calendar in Pencil. It isn't a matter of if it will change; it is when it will change. There's nothing like becoming a basket-case because you received a homecoming date just to watch it change, multiple times. Or to RSVP to a wedding with a +1 just to end up going alone. Actually, that experience wasn't too bad...I ended up with two plates of delicious food and two glasses of champagne to toast with. Awesome.
- Your cell phone becomes your best friend. I recommend changing your data plan to an unlimited one. Your cell phone will sleep with you, shower with you and eat with you during the entire Deployment. I can't tell you how many times I almost broke a body part trying to fight my way through the shower curtain to answer my cell phone when my Husband calls. I've also increased my ninja skills and can successfully jump over the couch if necessary to get to my phone when an email is received. It's totally worth the risk of injury when the email is from him.
- Google-ing just to understand him! Holy Jesus. I was completely lost with the terminology I was forced to learn. Definitely had to Google Military Lingo just to understand and relate to my Husband when he would come home from work and tell me about his day. The benefit, you'll be able to notice flaws in Military movies and TV shows like a bad ass. With that said - Rihanna, hunny, the CIWZ and 5" Gun are controlled by two separate consoles, not one. Learning his environment was important though, it helped me connect with him. Knowing what he does, how he does it and the way this whole Military thing works, helped me not take the demands of his job personally.
- Becoming Emotionally Disorganized. Here's the painful truth: You wont be able to avoid unwelcome tears. I sometimes wake up in the morning not sure how I should feel. Sometimes I feel happy, sad, angry and content all in one day. Depression and the desire to withdraw from the world do occur. I constantly feel overwhelmed by responsibility and the need to be/do everything all by myself. You may experience this too, but cheer up cupcake! You have to put yourself out there in order to ease the Deployment Blues. Your family and friends may be miles away from you but the Military is apart of your family now. The military community has an amazing group of spouses that will always be there when you need help. They are the most supportive and loving people I have the honor of calling my true friends. Setting up monthly goals and going back to school have been beneficial in making this Deployment pass by. I encourage you to take part in organizations and events on Base. It gives you the opportunity to get out, be social and meet other Spouses. Spouses who will totally not judge you for drinking an entire bottle of wine to yourself while sulking during River City.
Overall, this Deployment has done nothing but make my Marriage stronger. I've realized that every second I spend with my Husband, when he is finally home, needs to be cherished! I've learned to appreciate and love every flaw he has, even the extremely annoying ones. The appreciation and respect between me and my Husband has blossomed. We now know the roles we need to play in order to have a successful marriage and to comfort each other through this Deployment. I had no clue I would be able to fall more in love with him! While he's been gone, I have received such lovely and compassionate emails that absolutely make my heart flutter and reminds me why I would do anything for him. I admire him, his strength, Faith and what he is doing, right now, for our country and for our future.
Deployment is a blessing in disguise, seriously. There are many ups and downs, your patience, tolerance, love and strength will be tested. The distance sucks and the sleepless nights unfortunately don't go away. But, through learning independence and to spoon my pillow like a boss, I have been able to cope and relieve some of the anxiety and other effects of Deployment. All the heartache, stress, loneliness and distance will ALL be worth it when I see his face splitting grin on the day of his Homecoming. Besides, everything about Deployment is not too terrible - being able to wear yoga pants and t-shirts every day and not having to shave my legs often is an awesome perk.
Deployment is a blessing in disguise, seriously. There are many ups and downs, your patience, tolerance, love and strength will be tested. The distance sucks and the sleepless nights unfortunately don't go away. But, through learning independence and to spoon my pillow like a boss, I have been able to cope and relieve some of the anxiety and other effects of Deployment. All the heartache, stress, loneliness and distance will ALL be worth it when I see his face splitting grin on the day of his Homecoming. Besides, everything about Deployment is not too terrible - being able to wear yoga pants and t-shirts every day and not having to shave my legs often is an awesome perk.
In the end, I did get my "Happily Ever After".
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